Writing about Your Life: What were you thinking?
19 May 2012 Leave a Comment
See Hear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
A few days later, I experienced another case of unbridled terror, fearful of even going out of my house. I was cleaning one of the bedrooms and the walls seemed to close in on me. Everything went totally black. My chest tightened, and I fell to one knee and eventually collapsed in a heap on the blue shag carpet. I…stumbled out of that room, holding onto what little sanity I had left. I lay there for a few minutes, thinking this must surely be hell.
How did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person, aren’t I? Is this really what insanity is like? Will I ever be myself again? I had a pretty good childhood, except for the usual family squabbles. Now My whole life is falling apart. I feel totally defeated. What’s going on? Why am I such a wreck?
Imagine what the world would be like if people could hear one another’s thoughts. Ouch! We’d be treading on dangerous ground. No doubt, we’d be making a lot of enemies. I consider myself a pretty nice person, but I have to admit my thoughts can go to some dark places at times. Admitting that I harbor jealousy, hatred, anger, fear and pride is not easy. However, if I want to tell an honest story, I have to tell the whole story. In Chapter One of The Price of Pearls, I pull the reader in by sharing my internal struggle. I let the reader hear my thoughts as I try to understand what’s going on with me. The reader wants to connect with the writer. This will not happen unless you pull him or her into the story with this simple technique.
Practice writing your thoughts in a journal. Think of a conversation you had with your spouse, friend, or that person you find very hard to like. Yes, I said it! We all have people in our lives who rub us the wrong way. And when I think about it, as nice as I think I am, my husband will gladly tell you I make it my goal to bug him daily. Yes, we’ve been married forty years, but we’ve irritated each other from time to time.
What were you thinking during your “heated” discussion? Or before? Or after? Where were you? What were you doing? You saw me in a bedroom in my house. Then I gradually built up to the moment when I shared my thoughts about what was happening to me. I pulled you into my world by letting you hear my thoughts. As you see in the second paragraph, I put those thoughts in italics. As a writer, you need to read other authors, especially authors who write about their lives. You’ll gain valuable skills.
In my next post, we’ll look at other ways to use dialogue in your story. In the meantime, pay attention to your internal dialogue and practice, practice, practice. It’s always the right time to write!
Writing about Your Life: Take Your Best Shot
11 May 2012 2 Comments
Dew on a spider’s web in the morning. Français : Rosée sur une toile d’araignée au levé du soleil. Русский: Утренняя роса на паутине. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I can’t believe I’ve become such a camera bug! Anytime I see anything remotely interesting, I am ready to snap a picture or do a video. I have to give total credit to my Sprint smart phone. Since I bought my phone back in September, I’ve created a library of 258 photos and 30 videos. In addition, I recently downloaded the Instagram camera app, so I’m sorry to announcement that you may see more of my family on Facebook. While I may never become an Annie Lebowitz, a photographer whose claim to fame is taking pictures of babies in unique settings, I’m on my way to “notoriety” with my family and friends.
Pictures are priceless. My one regret is that I don’t have a picture of someone who made a profound impact on my life–my grandmother, Mom Mamie. However, I distinctly remember this phenomenal woman. In chapter two of my memoir, The Price of Pearls, I describe her in the following manner:
Mom Mamie was a force to be reckoned with–grey kinky hair, parted down the middle, straightened with a hot com and slicked back with fingertips of My Night conditioner. She had a deep dark face adorned with flared nostrils and breasts that flopped to her waistline, beneath her usual flowered house dress. Her hands were calloused from years of doing “day’s work,” as she called the chores she did in rich white folks’ houses. Bowed legs, straining to keep up stockings knotted at the knees, supported her slightly stooped frame. Fingernails bitten to the nubs were emblems of battle-scarred memories.
As I grew older, I’d often think about what an odd couple they were. Grandfather surely had been quite a catch; Grandmother’s wisdom and fortitude, I surmised, had no doubt won his heart.
Recently, my oldest son Duane gave me a much appreciated compliment. “Mom, he remarked, “I always heard you talk about Mom Mamie and Pop Pete (my grandfather), but they were just names before I read your book. Now I know who they are and where I come from.”
Perhaps you want to acquaint your readers with important people in your story. If you have a photo, fine. But if you, like me, have nothing but your memory, you can retrieve those pictures at any time. Try doing a web. It’s very simple. On a sheet of paper, write the name of the person you want to describe in the middle of the paper. Then draw lines like the rays of the sun extending from the name. Jot down everything you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel when you bring that person into focus in your mind. Then add details as you draw other lines extending from the original lines you drew. Keep going until you’ve exhausted all your thoughts.
There is no right or wrong way to do this activity, which is generally referred to as “brainstorming.” When you’re finished, decide which details are important to your picture and which can be omitted or added to your story later. Have fun while you’re doing this activity! When you’re finished, begin putting your ideas in sentences. You can go from least to most important details or vice versa. When I described my grandmother, I started with her hair and ended with her hands.
One of the most important aspects of photography is making sure you consider the right lighting. One of the benefits of using Instagram when taking pictures is having the ability to change the lighting after you’ve taken a picture. Sounds great, right? Well, you, the writer, have total control of lighting. Truly, what you see is what the reader will get! Creating a picture with words takes practice, but the results are priceless!
Writing about Your Life: The Power of Words
04 May 2012 2 Comments
A year ago my daughter Andrea and my
A Garibaldi Damsel fish photographed by Lonnie Huffman at the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
grandson Shawney accompanied me to the Atlanta Aquarium. Shawney was two and had never been to an aquarium. I have to admit I was more excited than his mother. I could hardly wait to see him react to the exhibits. When we walked inside, we were immediately overwhelmed by elementary students swarming everywhere. Wow! I wondered if we had made a mistake when I realized we had come on a day set aside for field trips. But it wasn’t long before the big payoff came.
As we turned the first corner and headed towards a tank of colorful fish, Shawney blurted out, “Mommy, look at the doggies! Hi, doggies!” I threw my head back and laughed heartily. He continued in awe of other “doggies” as Andrea and I sped behind him through a maze of hallways. What a priceless afternoon! While Shawney amused us with his limited but unique vocabulary, I am reminded that we writers need to choose words carefully. We run the risk of boring or frustrating our readers when we don’t say exactly what we mean. Using powerless, ineffective words is not funny!
Regardless of our style of writing, we must ask ourselves if our readers understand what we are saying. Chapter One of my memoir,The Price of Pearls,begins with a paragraph in which I describe the onset of depression:
My storm began brewing in 1989, a year after my oldest son graduated from high school. As dark clouds began to gather, interrupting a tranquil summer’s day, my depression started as a squall and gathering strength, grew into gale-force winds.
I wanted the reader to understand the nature and progression of depression, so I used the analogy of a storm. While everybody has experienced sadness, not everyone has experienced major bouts of depression. I wanted the reader to grasp the magnitude of this life-controlling disorder.
This is called figurative language or imaginative language. Basically, figurative language is the use of words to create a picture or image which helps the reader get a better understanding of what you, the writer, is attempting to say.
On another page in chapter one, I describe a time when I was terrified:
Fear then wrapped its tentacles around my neck, and I gasped for air.
The goal of figurative language is to draw the reader into your experience. Ultimately, you want the reader to walk in your shoes, to experience your range of emotions. When you accomplish that goal, you convince your reader to go with you on your journey. And isn’t that what you want? Think about how many books you’ve started and did not finish. Perhaps you could not relate to the writer. While figurative language should not be overused, it certainly warrants consideration. A little practice will spice up a dull narrative.
Writing about Your Life: Crickets, Roaches, & Spiders
21 Apr 2012 3 Comments
Three Mormon crickets eating a fourth Mormon cricket (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I hate crickets! They’ve got to be the most disgusting looking creatures on the planet! Well, I guess a roach might be a close second. Some of you might disagree and throw the dreaded spider in the mix. Whatever came to your mind, you know exactly what I mean, or do you? That’s the kind of thinking you’ll have to do if you want your reader to experience what you’re describing. You can’t assume the reader knows what you’re talking about. You’ve got to put yourself in the reader’s shoes and look at the event or subject from the view of an outsider. Use your five senses.
If you’re talking about a favorite place which was important in a particular chapter, then take time to answer these questions to put your reader in the picture:
1. What do you see as you look around? Are other people in the scene? What are they wearing? What colors stand out? Are their hairstyles unique? What facial expressions are noticeable? What are they doing?What time of day is it? Dawn or dusk? What does the sky look like? Where is the sun or if it’s night, how does the moon look?
2. What do you hear? Is a train passing by? Are birds singing? Can you hear someone snoring while sleeping or panting after a race? Is a clock ticking in the background?
3. What do you smell? Is someone frying chicken or do you smell liver and onions? Are hyacinths in the air? What about the perfume someone is wearing?
4. What do you feel? Is the carpet smooth under your feet? Is there grit in your shoes? Is the silk blouse smooth against your skin?
5. What do you taste? Is there an after taste from the Diet Coke you just drank? Is your mouth dry after running that marathon? Can you taste victory or defeat?
You don’t want to overload your story with a mountain of details about the setting, but you do want to help your reader experience the event. Using your five senses will work magic for your reader! Practice, practice, practice! Take a few minutes, sit, look around, and write. It’s been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I’m not sure about that! I’d rather paint a picture with words. Go ahead! Invite your reader to dine with you! By the way, what’s for dinner?
Writing about Your Life: Get Out Your Balloon!
04 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
Girl inflating a red balloon by blowing into it. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I have so much I could include in a book, but I don’t know how to get started! That’s why I haven’t done anything yet!” “I don’t have much to put in a book!” “Nobody wants to read about my life! Nothing exciting ever happened to me!” “I’ve got some ideas, but other people have already written books about my ideas!”
I’m sure you recognize these very common dream busters. No doubt one or more of these comments sounds like you. If you’re like me, you probably have a whirlwind of ideas floating around in your head. But how do you calm your fears and get your ideas down on paper so that they begin to make sense? The answer is easy….well, not exactly easy but manageable. You need to begin ordering your events or tracing your path from the beginning of your event(s) to the place where you have emptied out everything you need to say.
You might be asking, “What does that mean?” Let’s take it one step at a time. First imagine yourself blowing up a balloon. You begin placing your mouth on the lip of the balloon, trying to make a seal with your lips so you can begin blowing air into the balloon. Gradually you begin expelling air from your lungs directly into the balloon. You see the balloon begin to expand and get tighter. You watch it grow until you cannot get any more air into the balloon. You know you’ve got to stop or else the balloon will burst.
Once the balloon is fully inflated, you have to make a decision. You can either tie a knot and put the balloon aside and admire it, or you can choose not to tie a knot and release the balloon. The air in the balloon will rush out, and the balloon will take a course of its own and dance around the room in a surprising pattern.
Writing your book is pretty much like that. The color of your balloon will change from day-to-day. You will experience a range of emotions as you come out of your comfort zone and write from your heart. I must be completely honest. On some days it will seem like you have no air in your lungs to blow up your balloon. Where do you start? At the beginning. What’s in your heart? Probably more than you know. You just need to start writing.
By this time, you’ve already done a lot of thinking about your book. Now it’s time to trace your path or follow the steps that take you from the beginning of your journey to the end, or where you plan to stop. There’s no right or wrong way to do this.
Remember: Some writers focus on a single event and write an entire book about that event. It might be tragic event one summer and your reflections on that event today, or the loss of a loved one and how you coped with that loss, or a difficult divorce you walked through. Or like me, you may choose to cover a longer period of time over a number of years, all related to an earlier experience.
Everything you need is inside, waiting to be released. Tracing your path is like making an outline. Oops! I said that dreaded word–outline. You don’t have to outline your book. In fact, don’t even think of a book. This is the path of your story. Make a list of all the steps you think you might want to include in your story. It’s okay to add steps and take out other steps later. Consider this process as an exciting journey! You’re on your way! Trust the God who sees all and knows all. He will help you! He is for you. He just wants you to cooperate with His wonderful plans for you.
Jer. 29:11 reads “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I held onto God’s promise as I wrote, and The Price of Pearls is the result.
Writing about Your Life: I Want to Hear Your Voice!
19 Mar 2012 1 Comment
Kitchen (Photo credit: deborah|silverbees)
As I write today’s entry, I’m having trouble with my voice. You see, something in the air is irritating my throat and I’ve been coughing for the past four nights. My poor husband seems to be sleeping straight through my noise. Thank God for that, but I wake up feeling like I need eight more hours of sleep! Well, today I sound like Lauren Bacall, an actress who was known for her sexy voice back in the day. I just don’t sound like myself. I am reminded that when you write, you need to sound like yourself also. Now you might ask, “Who else could I sound like?” You’d be surprised.
I remember a comment one of my first readers gave me after I did my first draft of The Price of Pearls. She was brutally honest. Her comments did not feel good to me, but I needed to hear the truth. She basically said that while my writing was very skillful, she couldn’t connect to me emotionally. She went on to say she needed to hear my voice, the Patricia she knew and loved. She needed me to forget about sounding professional and just talk like a woman sitting down with a friend. She wanted to pull up her chair to my kitchen table and have a cup of coffee with me. I have to admit my feelings were hurt, but I understood exactly what she meant. I went back over the entire manuscript and read everything I had written. I had a lot of work to do. I swallowed my pride and re-wrote a large portion of my story. When I was finished a couple of months later, I e-mailed the revised story to her. After a couple of days, she greeted me at church with a broad smile and an encouraging comment: “Now that’s what I was talking about! I hear your heart now! I absolutely love the story! It’s raw and real!”
I encourage you to begin telling your story as if you’re sitting down at your kitchen table, giving your listener your undivided attention. Speak honestly and intimately with your audience every time you write. Let your reader hear your heart. You don’t need to impress anyone. Your reader will get more out of a real conversation than a formal speech in an auditorium. The reader wants to hear you, wants to walk with you, hear your hopes and your fears. The reader wants to laugh and cry with you. Welcome him or her into your private world. That’s where true intimacy takes place. By the time you finish the first chapter, you will be surprised that you will have discovered a voice which is uniquely yours.
Begin praying and looking for a first reader, someone who will encourage you and tell you the truth. Don’t look for an English teacher or professional writer. You just need somebody who will tell you if you sound like yourself. Perhaps you know somebody who likes to read and is willing to give you some honest feedback without ripping you to shreds.
You’re on your way! Your dream is becoming a reality! Stick with it! Commit to taking as much time as you need to accomplish the goal of writing your story. For some people, that may be six months. For others, that may be a year. Still others may take longer. My book took longer than I anticipated. I stopped and started many times over a six-year period. You have to make time to write. It’s hardly ever convenient! Writing a book is like taking a walk, not running the Boston Marathon!” Many start the task; not everyone finishes.” A co-worker said those words to me when I told her I was writing a book. I was determined to finish after hearing those words. I believe you will finish. Let me know where you are in your writing journey. Send me a brief note. I’d love to hear from you!
Writing About Your Life: It’s in You!
09 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
Tomato & Basil Soup with Tortellini (Photo credit: nettsu)
“I grew up in a soup bowl.” No, I did not originally begin my story with those words, but that image came to me when I later thought about the twenty-one people who surrounded me in a three bedroom house. When I wrote The Price of Pearls, I knew I wanted to let my readers know that my life had some pretty colorful people in them. My mother was a master at making turkey and beef soup. I remember watching her as she put in various ingredients, starting with onions and celery, tomato paste, whole tomatoes, and gradually added other items over several hours, tasting the delicious brew until she finally announced,”Soup’s ready!” Looking into that pot was like looking at the numerous faces in “the Big House,” my family home back in rural Anne Arundel County, Maryland.
I wanted to talk about my grandmother and grandfather, two people whose faces most reminded me about the blessings of growing up in an extended family. I wanted to talk about my mom, who embodied strength and dignity, and my dad, who taught me that a hardy laugh was the remedy to taking life too seriously. Then there were my brothers, who provided were the original “Comedy Central,” and my sisters, who to this day are the most caring and giving individuals on this earth.
My story would not be complete unless I began unfolding some of the people whose struggles impacted my life very early on. Thus, I knew I had to include three uncles, one rather humorous, one tragic, and another pretty complex. I had enough substance to begin my story.
What to include in your opening chapter is your decision. You don’t have to follow my pattern at all. In fact, you don’t have to begin with your early years. Some people focus their book on one central event in time and focus their entire book on circumstances surrounding that event. One writer I know wanted to tell the story of her emotional journey surrounding the loss of a pregnancy. The entire book goes from the joys of discovering the pregnancy and concludes with the loss and subsequent healing experience. I believe God will show you what He wants you to write. In fact, He’s probably already given you direction. Now it’s time to get started.
I would love to hear from you as you begin your story. Tell me how you’re starting. What’s your focus? Why are you writing? Who do you hope to help with your story? You have something important to say and I’m excited that you’ve answered the call and stepped out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to be a professional writer. You don’t have to have a college degree. God’s in it and He gives the ability. All you have to do is say YES! He believes in you! Catch up with you next time.
Philippians 4:13 declares, “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.” Go for it!
Writing About Your Life: Moving from Purpose to Action
27 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
Am I really supposed to tell my story? Okay, that question was settled a few months ago, but I found myself rehearsing that question over and over again until I picked up a notebook and started jotting down
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some ideas in it. I knew I had a story to tell, but I had to quiet my insecurities. I wondered if other writers ever felt like me. I wondered if my writing would be good enough. I wondered if I would be prepared to handle the mixed emotions which might accompany looking back at some of the issues which I had worked so hard to come to peace with over the years. I wondered if I could tell my story in a way which would respect anyone who was remotely involved. Needless to say, I had a lot of questions. But God had all the answers! He wanted me to let go and trust that He would guide me every step of the way.
I’d love to say that once I made up my mind to get on with my story, I wrote with confidence everyday, but that would not be true. Some days were easy; others were a challenge. I had to admit I needed God’s help every step of the way. I could not do it alone. I felt like quitting at least once a week, for one reason or another. In the beginning, I wrote at the end of my work day, which was not easy. I was a middle school counselor who dealt with some pretty emotional issues throughout the day. Most days I wanted to come home, collapse in my overstuffed chair, and take a nap. But purpose would not let me rest. I knew God had given me an assignment, regardless of my fatigue. At that point, I was excited and proud to tell others I was writing my story. But I had to find the time to write.
My purpose was to encourage women that they could find hope for recovery through developing an intimate relationship with their Heavenly Father. Everything I wrote would support that message. I was on a mission to help others. In the process, God was on a mission to help me. You see, He understood me better than I understood myself. While I was convinced I was healed and whole, God knew I needed to understand more about Him. I needed to comprehend His unconditional love for me. And that, my friend, is an ongoing process. I still don’t have it all together, as much as I would like to believe I do. I am a work in progress.
Early on, I decided to write about the people in my life whose lives influenced me as a little girl. Understanding where I came from was crucial in helping me understand the foundation of my self-concept. Out of that desire grew my chapter entitled, “Faces.” I went back to my roots in a small town in Maryland. I began seeing the faces of various members of my family: my mother and father, sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the like. I even remembered colorful people from my old Methodist church and certain mentors from various schools who touched my life. I began listing ideas as fast as they would come. All the while, God was doing something special in me. He was reassuring me He had been with me all along, even when I didn’t know Him. What a revelation! I had to keep going! I knew I was on to something!
Are you believing that God wants you to write? By now, you have probably realized your purpose in writing. Now begin writing. Pray and ask God to help you every time you sit down. No matter how insignificant you think the idea is, just write. Some chapters will be longer than others. Just write. That’s okay. You can drop some things and add others later. Some people like planning their entire book through an outline which goes from the beginning to the end. That’s not what I did. I basically started at the beginning of my life and listed some thoughts daily in my writing journal. Those thoughts then became a chapter. I later moved some chapters around to make the reading more interesting and captivating. We’ll talk about that later.
Are you feeling a little overwhelmed? Insecure? Inadequate? Then welcome to the writing world! Great things are born out of frustration, pain, and challenge! Keep going! Somebody is waiting to hear your story! Trust me. I know!
Writing about Your Life: Letting Purpose Guide You
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
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How do you know if God wants you to write about your life? It’s simple. Everybody has a story to tell somebody; that’s what my grandma used to call a testimony. While some are called to pick up the phone and encourage a friend, others may be called to say a kind word to those whom God sends across your path from time to time. Still others may be called to put pen to their thoughts and reach a wider audience. If you have a desire to write your story, perhaps God is calling you to do just that. What do you have to lose? Why not get started now? Don’t try to figure out how much time it will take to write or how much it will cost to publish your book. We’ll get into that later.
In my last post, I described webbing and making lists as two ways to begin thinking about possible events to include in your story. For those who have kept journals over the years, you probably have a wealth of ideas. However, you may not want to include every detail of your life in your book. Then how do you decide what to include? Pray, pray, and keep praying. Every time I sit down to write I pray. When I get stuck, I pray. When I get discouraged, I pray. When I felt like giving up, I prayed. Yes, I said “felt like giving up!” I cannot count how many times I felt like quitting when writing my story. For some of you, the hardest part will be getting started.
My purpose was to encourage women that no matter what struggles they had, God was able to bring them through and turn their pain into pearls. Once I determined my purpose, I had the steering wheel! Everything I wrote was driven by my focus statement. In the beginning, I must confess, I had little direction. I just wanted to write, and my first draft reflected that. One of my early readers commented that I really had three books in one. I mentioned this before. That’s when I knew I had to develop a focus. Writing about what my family ate for dinner on the Fourth of July, 1958, was not going to advance my story. Again, I had to decide what was essential to advancing my story.
What is your purpose? Take time this week and write one sentence which will state why you are writing. It can not just be to write about myself. What do you want readers to learn or gain by reading your book? Once you write your purpose, you will find direction in choosing events to include in your book. If you would like me to look at your purpose statement, include it in your reply to this post. Aren’t you excited? Writing THE PRICE OF PEARLS was one of the most challenging but rewarding things I’ve ever done. I remember going into a Christian bookstore once, looking around and thinking, “There are so many books written already, surely there’s no need for me to write another!” Then I heard, “But nobody has written your story.” I leave you with that thought and this scripture to encourage you to get started.
Psalm 126: 5-6, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves (of grain) with him (NKJV).”
Writing about Your Life: Narrowing the Choices
09 Feb 2012 1 Comment
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All of us have a lot we could talk about, but what is God leading you to include in your book? There’s no magic formula to finding the answer. I had many ideas and just began jotting a list of possible events to include in my journal. That worked for me because I am a “list” person. I have sticky notes where I eat breakfast and check off my “To Do” list as I complete tasks. For some of you, that may sound too rigid and I totally understand. If you’re a list person like me, you’re probably nodding your head and saying , “Wow! There’s another person like me!”
Whatever your style, just get started! Some of you might like to do some webbing. That’s where you draw a circle, put your name in the middle and begin making a web of events that have happened to you over your lifetime. By the time you finish adding details that come to your mind, you’ll actually have something that looks like a spider’s web. How cool is that? You can add feelings to events, sensory details–what you saw, what you smelled, what you touched, what you heard–as you spend time letting your mind take you back to specific events.
Nothing is to be judged as good or bad. Everything that comes to your mind is important. Remember: You’re brainstorming! Some might call it free-falling. Whatever you feel or think, just put it down. Eventually you will find yourself drawn to certain events more than others as you continue to pray and ask God to guide you where He wants you to go. In my memoir, The Price of Pearls, I began by focusing on my early years growing up in a small rural community in Maryland. I wanted the reader to understand the values which shaped how I saw the world. I also wanted to set the stage for a critical event which hindered my ability to trust others.
I also knew early on that I was writing to encourage women and that my primary audience would be young adult women to those well into their senior years. However, I believe my story certainly appeals to men as well as women. Our journeys may not be the same, but we share common threads of disappointment, disillusionment, and hope for a better day.
Having said all of that, my hope is that you will write your story. As someone recently told me, “We all have a story.” Whether you choose to write for yourself, your family, or for a wider audience, it’s time to get started. In my next post, we will look at some of the other events I chose. Stay tuned. I’m excited that you chose to begin your writing journey!
